Rock Stars!!!

    Well, I am happy to say I or should I say we...dominated the race!  We even got medals...never mind the fact that EVERYONE got medals~not the point! 
    Anyway, we set a goal, and beat that goal by 2 minutes!  Had to walk 2 times, but still was able to cross the finish with diginity and best of all alongside Bobbi Jean!  She did great and finished the race without walking---so proud of her!!! 
    Ultimately, I had a GREAT weekend and had a great time catching up. And you know, it didn't matter that I wasn't in shape, I was able to help a dear friend accomplish a goal and that felt GREAT.  It wasn't about me, it was about her!!
    Our next adventure will be in June as we attempt the Warrior Dash-an army based obstacle course including a 5K...what was I thinking???!!!!
 

Here's the thing...

     I have a great knack for getting myself into situations.  It stems from those darned expectations, but also from my need to please and make people happy!
    So, here's the thing.  I am running in a 5K this weekend.  Not a big deal.  I 've done many of them.  But, here's the other thing....I haven't been running.  I have goals, I make plans, and then-I don't follow through.  So, I find myself a tad bit out of shape and just a tad overweight-and I'm also in HUGE denial!!
    I get a phonecall from a dear and cherished friend saying she wants to run a 5K, because (now get this) I inspired her to start running this year.  Me??  I will admit, I did run a lot last year, and I was so shocked and awed that I was able to run because I always hated running and never thought I could do it.  But, sweet friend, I am no picture of inspiration these days!  I could be IN a picture...maybe the before pictures of Weight Watchers?  Maybe in an advertisement for some all-you-can-eat buffet! 
   So, long story short, I'm heading to Springfield to run in the United We Run 5K, and I am just hoping I can cross the finish line with some semblance of my dignity still intact. 

    I guess having a bear chase me would get me motivated!!  Then, again, I would probably just hit the ground paralyzed out of fear of becoming dinner!  I already know I wouldn't be able to outrun him!  

    The goal is to run this thing in 35 minutes or less.  Maybe I should set the goal at just being able to finish, then anything more would just be like icing on the cake.  And see?  NOW I'm hungry for cake!!!  I am pathetic!! 

   Anyway, not ALL of my situations turn out bad.  Occasionally, I do have a good experience and I guess that's what keeps me getting in situations.  Hopefully this one will be the same way.  If anything, I get to spend time with my dear friend and maybe, "celebrate" with CAKE!!! 

Apparently I'm running from the bear and on my way to get some cake!

Aha!!

   I love "Aha" moments.
   Had one just this morning... I tend to be a worryer. I worry about how much I am worrying. It's sick, I know! I also tend to place unrealsitic expectations on myself. I must be a perfect wife and mother in all I do. My house must be spotless. I must be funny and witty at all times. I must wear fashionable clothes. I must have great looking furniture. I must run everyday. I must lose weight. The list goes on. If these are not attained, then I am a failure! I not only place these expectations on myself, but I place them on others as well. I don't have high expections on people, but I think they have high expectations of me. Even sicker, I know!! So, not only do I think I have to act a certain way, I think that you think that I should act that way too!
   The dilelma?? I worry about measuring up against MY expectations and also YOURS! And let's face it...NO ONE is that good! Although, I would go down trying!
   So, I read in Philippians 4:6, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns." God knows my worries, but He likes to hear those worries spoken by me...and when I do speak aloud of these worries, "a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down." I like that...settle me down. I need that! Stop worrying about measuring up, stop trying to do it all on your own! Let God help you! So that was good to read and be to reminded of.
   But, as I continued to read on...I noted Philippians 4:12-13. "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Okay, so I may not have everything that I want in life...can or will I be content with what I do have? When I place my worries into prayers, he helps me see that I reaaly don't have that much to worry about-He's gonna take care of me and settle me down. And just maybe, the things that I am worrying about aren't really worth worrying about anyway.
   And then, of course, I read on...and here is where I get my "AHA" moment... Philippians 4 :19 "You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need." Ah, so when I take my worries to God, I realize that I may not have everything that I want, but God WILL take care of my NEEDS! Look around, you have A LOT already-sure, there are things I want...but God is taking care of my needs, and the wants will just be bonuses (if and when they come).
   The high expectations that I place on myself and think everyone else has placed on me, as well...are ridiculous-it's time I let them go and give them to God. If I allow Him to adjust my eyesight, I will learn to be content in whatever condition I am in. He promises to give me that strength to be content. Then, when I am fixated on God, I will see that He is giving me exactly what I need!! I don't think this will be an easy process. I think it will be something that I will have to give over to Him constantly. It is a process, afterall, I am still human-not perfect, yet! But, I believe if I am willing to die to myself, die to my expectations, die to my wants-God will show me what I need, and I will want accept it. Again, not easy, but that's where Christ comes in as my powerhouse! Ultimately, I want to be closer to HIM...if it requires giving up ME then, give me the strength to that, Lord!!

Nobody

We have a Nobody who lives in our house. Nobody forgets to put his toys away, leaves clothes on the floor, and doesn't put his dishes in the dishwasher. Somebody really should take care of Nobody!!

I've been hearing a lot about Nobody.

I went to a Beth Moore Simulcast and found out the writer of Acts and Luke was pretty much a Nobody. A Nobody who was willing to walk alongside Paul and record the incredible accounts of the early church. This Nobody gives us a glimpse of the Holy Spirit working through another bunch of Nobodies. The apostles didn't necessarily have any formal religious training, but they were passionate about Jesus and wanted others to know Him. Nobody made them go out and reach the world, they wanted to. They saw the need to reach the Gentiles, and so they did. Nobody gave them a list of dos and don'ts, they just followed the Holy Spirit. God used these Nobodies to start a revolution and millions of people are believers because of them.

Our church is going through Max Lucado's book entitled, Outlive Your Life. Tammy, an ordinary school teacher in the U.S, took a mission's trip to Africa. There she saw a need...African school teachers needed new resources to enable them to teach their classes and students more effectively. She wasn't Anybody, she was just a Nobody. She began a website, and now these African teachers can look online and receive the needed tools to give their students a better education. Nobody forced Tammy give of herself or her resources. Nobody could have just gone on the trip and came back more thankful for the resources given to her in the States. But Tammy followed the Holy Spirit, and though she feels like a Nobody, decided to be a Somebody and do something more. Tammy doesn't know why she was called to help African teachers, but she knows God has big plans and so she "just goes with it!"

Nobody can wreck havoc in my house, but does it always have to be that way? What if Nobody could shed his skin and become Some body? Not a high fluent Somebody, but Some body. And what if Some body decided to look beyond himself and just go with it? What if Some body could walk alongside with another Some body and follow the Holy Spirit wherever He led? What would the world look like? What if these "Nobodies" disguised as Some bodies did wreck havoc on this world...only the "havoc" would be a revolution? A revolution to change the world through helping, caring, listening, encouraging, and sharing.

I am inspired...I don't know what it is God is doing with this Nobody...but I long to be a willing Some body. And I don't think I have to wait for some huge marquee or booming voice from Heaven to show me what to do. I just need to follow the Holy Spirit and go with it. It doesn't have to be a big cause or enormous project...it just has to be the next right thing.

Well, Nobody cleaned up the kitchen...so I guess this Some body better get to it!

Love You Through It

It's been a rough few weeks, and I don't say that lightly. I really have been trying to keep my "chins up." But, with so many chins to keep up, its been hard and tiring. I am pretty good at keeping things inside...oh, I may wear my emotions on my sleeve...but rarely do I openly share why I'm showing those emotions.

But, God, in His great wisdom has put some key people in my life who have been instrumental in getting me to open up. They don't judge. They don't cringe. They don't try to fix. They listen. They cry with me. They feel with me. Surprisingly, it really does help to share. It may not take the trouble away, but it sure does help to relieve the feeling of having to handle it by yourself!

I love how God fits the right person for the right circumstance. One friend wondered why she had gone through a particular journey years ago, only to find that I was now going through that same journey. She is now walking it with me, teaching me along the way and guiding me through the do's and dont's.

I have great friends! Each one different. Each one unique. Each one special.
All gifts. Life may be hard, but it becomes a little more bearable with the help of friends!! Friends who "love you through it."

Hello, my name is Amy...

So a friend got me reading her daughter's blog, and I thought..."whatever has happened to my blog?!" So, I checked and it's still here. I'm pretty sure its given up hope of ever being updated. But, alas, here I am! I have so much drama going on in my household that I really don't know where to begin. But, I am here, and for now, I am back with a vengeance...or so I think. I just have to get this first awkward post out of the way, cuz' for some reason, I feel I have to explain my absence to those of you who don't even know I have a blog or aren't even reading this blog anymore. It's okay...really it is!
Anyway, I will be back. And even if it's just me who gets a thrill out of this blog, I will write. I think it will be good therapy for me. I've been through quite a journey and I'm still traveling on its road. If I were writing a play, I would find the character climbing up to the climax of the story...going through the day to day, patiently waiting to see what will become of it all. The character would find herself wondering why she was going through such and such, why that didn't work out, and when it will ever get any better. She knows there is a bigger picture, but finds herself overwhelmed with the big picture because she's barely making it in the smaller picture. Something big is about to happen, but it seems to be taking forever for the climax to reach her.
This is me and where I am at in my life right now. I have good days and then there are bad days. On the good days, I am able to push my fears, insecurities, and worries to the side and just focus on putting one foot in front of the other. On the bad days, I am drowning in those fears, insecurities and worries...struggling for a breath, struggling to keep my head above water. I know God sees the whole where I can only see the part. I know His ways far outreach my own. I know He has big plans for me and soon He will reveal the answers to all my questions. I know all of this in my head, but my heart longs for answers and, to be honest, some quick fixes to all of life's problems.
Anyway, I guess this became a bit of raw emotion...they're the real deal, tho. I guess this blog will reflect where I am at in this journey. And like me, I'm sure there will be good days and not so good days. I'm just gonna put it out there, why not, right??!! It's not like this is gonna be out there for the whole wide world to read...oh, wait

Cuter

This morning, Mark asked Zach what he was going to be when he grew up? Zach replied, "I'm gonna be cuter than I am right now!" I tell ya, I just don't know what I'm gonna do with this one?!

New Shoes

It's fun getting new shoes, right?! It is the breaking in of the shoes that isn't so much fun. I got a new pair of shoes for the school year-brown leather. They were so cute, but they hurt my feet so much! I wore bandaids on my heels because the shoes cut into them, and I had red marks from the buckle at the top of the shoe. It took everything I had to keep my shoes on until I got home! Infact, I usually drove home barefoot because I couldn't take the pain. But, I loved the shoes, and I needed them. So, I endured the pain because I knew in time the pain would stop.

Mark and I (and the boys) left everything familiar in our lives about a year and a half ago-we changed jobs, churches, and the boys went to a new school. We knew we had to make the change, but it hurt. We have been trying to fit into our new life, just like I was trying to fit into those new shoes. There was a period of hurt. The boys trying to make new friends, missing the old ones. Mark trying to learn the new job, doing things that didn't come naturally to him. And myself, putting on bandaids for the hurt I felt, and trying to help everyone (including me) fit in. I knew it would take time. But the waiting was difficult.

And then it happened. I started noticing the pain was going away. We were healing from all the "red marks" and "heel cuts". We were able to look at the past and accept it for what it was, and look toward the future. We were starting to feel more comfortable with the "new shoes." Our life was starting to fit.

Today marks a special day for us. We are becoming members of MCC (our new church). It is more than just becoming members...it is the sign that the "shoes" are broken in. It has been quite a journey that has led us to this day, but all along God has brought specific people in our lives this past year that has inspired us, believed in us, encouraged us, and were simply there for us. God has taught us so much about Himself, and has revealed so much about Himself that I sit here amazed!!

The brown shoes? They're broken in now. Without the pain, there would be no enjoyment of these shoes. And just like our life, sometimes we have to be uncomfortable in order to better appreciate the comfortable.

Knee Deep

After a little over a year of not directing any major play, I am back and in full swing! YIKES!! Directing "A Baby Changes Everything" at our church in Minier and running into all sorts of snags. I had difficulty finding actors and keeping them, (which I still need one more!), trying to free up acting areas by removing cumbersome trees/pianos off the stage, and scheduling practices where people are able to show up! "Welcome Back, Amy."

I am, however, so grateful for the mountain of support that I have felt from our new church family. People who connect me to other people, volunteer to help out, support and pray for me-I can feel the love!

Suprisingly, I am not as stressed out as I have tended to be in years past. I know that God is in this production-He will work out the details. I just need to let Him be in charge and watch the great things He will do!!

Matthew 19:26 (The Message)

Jesus looked hard at them and said, "There's no chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it."

Oh How He Loves Us

I am completely obsessed with the song "Oh How He Loves Us" by Jared Anderson. Here are the lyrics:

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are to me and
How great Your love and affections are for me.

He is our portion and
He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So if Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

That He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
How he loves us so!


My finite mind cannot fully comprehend the love God has for me! It's hard for me to accept this kind of love because I know the kind of person I am. There is absolutely no good in me...yet God chose me, loves me, and pursues me completely and wholly!

"What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it-we're
called the children of God!" -I John 3:1
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His
Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." -I John 4:10

I am so thankful that God looks past the mess that I make of myself daily, and loves me despite of who I am. Without this love, I am nothing.

Hard to Say Goodbye

We said goodbye to our beloved dog, Bailey last night. It was difficult for us all, but especially hard on Austen. From the day we brought Bailey home, the two have been inseperable; they practically grew up together!

Bailey came into our lives because our other dog, Flo, was failing in health and we knew she didn't have much more time left on this earth. Sure enough, Flo died shortly after we adopted Bailey. Bailey was a young puppy and full of life and energy! She brought so much joy in our lives at a time when we were saddend by losing a faithful companion. Austen trained her, chased after her, and Bailey kept Austen on his toes for sure.

About 3 months ago, a stray dog ended up on our farm. We have tried for 3 months to find a home for Brown Dog (as we affectionately called her, for fear of getting too attached) because we didn't need two dogs, nor wanted two dogs!! This past week, quite suddenly, Bailey's health failed. We discovered she had a large cancerous tumor and given little hope of surviving due to her age. And so, the decision was made to let her go before she had to suffer from this horrible disease.

Soon after she was buried, Brown Dog came bounding up to me licking my hand. I suddenly saw her in a different light-a gift from God. How ironic that Bailey was there for us when we were grieving over Flo, and now Morgan (aka "brown dog") has been here as we mourn the death of Bailey. How amazing that God cares about supplying our needs, even when it comes to our pets...

Goodbye Single Digits

It is official, AJ has enterd the world of double digits! Happy Birthday, my little man, TEN is such a great number!!!

I'm So Mad!!

As I loaded little Z in to the van, I went over the to do list with him. The first store on the list had bouncy balls that Zach loves, so I gave him two quarters and said we would get the bouncy balls first, then I would do my shopping. We entered the store and headed to the bouncy balls, but they were not in there usual spot. We tracked down a sales associate who explained they had run out of bouncy balls, but she had ordered a new shipment. Little Z was devastated. His head went down and his lower lip came out; there was no hiding his disappointment. His disappointment soon turned to a different emotion, as he exclaimed out loud, "I am so mad!" I tried to console him and tell him that we might find something even better at the other stores, but nothing worked. Plain and simple, he was mad!

At our last store, we happend to spot a toy hammerhead shark (Z's facorite animal) with no price tag anywhere to be found. I tracked down a sales associate who told me the toy had been on clearance for quite awhile. His response was, "How does nineteen cents sound?" I looked at Zach and said, "See? You can buy this toy and still have money left!" He didn't have to say anything, his huge smile gave it away. As we got back into the van, he exclaimed, "I'm so happy, mom. I can't wait to put him in the water!"

Aren't we like little Z when it comes to God? We read His promises and are eager to start receiving them. We pray for blessing, healing, prosperity, ect...and when we don't get what we want, there's no hiding our disappointment. Infact, we get mad and nothing can console us. I love the Scripture in Jeremiah where God says (this is from the Message)

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

God knows us and He loves us. He has it all figured out and knows what lies ahead. He declares in Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Just like Z finding the bigger and better toy at the other store, God has something bigger and better for us at another time. Its hard waiting and its hard thinking anything could be better than what we want or long for right now, but God has plans for us and He promises to "give us the future we hope for."

A New Look

Life has taken a hold of me and has pulled me away from the blogger world. I needed to be away from my blog to adjust my priorities and focus a bit more on the world around me. Now I am back with a renewed spirit, and hope to share with you the drama with its comedy, tragedy, and action that has been my life to date!

"Spook"tacular evening

Since I can remember, I have always celebrated Halloween by going to a haunted house. I don't know why I go every year because I really do get incredibly scared. I am usually the one whose voice carries out into the parking lot, the one who gets followed by the monsters/villians for extra scare practice, and the one who gets put to the front of the line so my friends can get a good laugh at my screaming. But, every year I can't wait to go back. So, this year I decided to bring the boys along. We went to a town near Bloomington where they have a haunted house, an optical illusion ride, a hay rack ride, and all-you-can-eat hotdogs all for a $2 a person. Yep, for $10 ( we bought some glow in the dark bracelets for the kids) our family laughed, cried, screamed, and ate to hearts content!! The boys were scared out of their minds, but couldn't stop talking about the experience the rest of the night! It's like I always say...the family that screams together, stays together!! :) I think the Manahans have yet another family tradition!

Here are our pictures from this family bonding time:

The Journey

I am amazed daily at the journey God has taken me. Sometimes I review the map of my life looking at all the places I have traveled. I see all the routes, highways, interstates, and even the back roads. There are times when the roads are straight and it is very clear where I am headed. Other times the road twists and turns back and forth and it is uncertain the destination. Even the driving conditions have effected the journey. There were sunny days, when I drove with the top down allowing my hair to whip in the wind enjoying the freedom of the road. Other days were windy and rainy and I drove gripping the steering wheel until my knuckels turned white; it took all my strength to stay on the road. I can picture the rest stops where I've stopped along the way trying to make sense of the journey, too tired and disapponted to go any further. I also remember the roadside attractions that were so unexpected, but inspired me to keep driving.
I thought I had the journey all figured out, I was almost sure I knew the destination. But lately God has taken a hold of the steering wheel and has me riding on a crazy ride that keeps me guessing all along the way. I want to hurry up and race to the next bend in the road to see if I recognize anything. Yet, I find myself perfectly content looking out my window at the scenery enjoying the ride and fellowship of my Driver. It has been awhile since I have enjoyed such a journey, but how thankful I am that God loves me enough to take me on such an incredible roadtrip.

Changes

Change...it's scary, but sometimes necessary. For some time, I felt God was calling me to make a change. I wasn't sure where or what, but I knew something had to change. I had feelings of uneasiness and unhappiness. It wasn't anyone's fault, but I felt stagnant in my current position at school and church. I allowed myself to become a little too comfortable, a little too safe, and a little too secluded. I knew there was more to this world than what I was allowing myself to discover. And so the need for change became a necessity for my life. As hard as it was, I left the comforts of my job and church and let God make the necessary changes in my life. Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done, but through it God has shown me so much of who He is. By empowering me to leave, God has given me new boldness and confidence in my strengths and abilities. And so, I have a new start before me. I have been hired as a program assistant at a public school working with special needs students, a career I almost pursued. I have been involved in local theatre, a passion and a dream of mine since childhood.I have been going to a wonderful church, a blessing for my family!I will miss seeing so many people on a daily basis-my students, my friends, my coworkers-they will not be forgotten because they were instrumental in my life. But, a whole world awaits me.And, yes, change is difficult. But without change, there is no growth. Without this change in my life I would never have seen the possibilities I am now experiencing.

Santa

So, we never really encouraged the whole Santa Claus thing with Austen-not that we thought it was evil or anything, just never did it. People would ask Austen what Santa was going to bring him for Christmas, and Austen would reply, "Santa's not real...my mom and dad give me presents." Austen was the one that emphatically told Zach that Santa was not real, and Zach willingly went a long. At Holiday Specatcular, Zach is sitting backstage-imagine little Zach when Santa comes off the stage and gives him a high five... Zach's eyes got as big as saucers and he became speechless for a few seconds. He looks at me(still wide-eyed and still looking at Santa) and says, "He is real!"
Now when Austen says Santa isn't real, little Zach replies, "Yes he is! I saw him and I gave him a high five!!"

Why I Don't Like Doctors

So, Austen has been sick for the past 6 days with a fever and cough. Most everyone that I talked to said, "Oh, you should take him to the doctor. This stuff is really going around-he might have strep." I hesitated because whenever I take my kids to the doctor-it always comes back, "Uh, he seems fine to me. It's just gas." Or, "It's just a cough, he'll be fine in a few days." I never get any kind of medicine because its always viral. Knowing this, I waited for a few more days, despite everyone giving me their diagnosis and suggestions. But when Austen woke up for the 5th day with a fever I started thinking about what everyone had been saying. My problem is that it doesn't stop there, no, it multiplies. By the time I decided to take him in, Austen was (in my mind) dying of tuberculosis or malaria. I just knew that I was going to get a huge prescription for medicine or they'll would have to admit him to the hospital.
So, I'm sitting in the waiting room comparing everyone else's sickness with Austen's sickness, and I am positive that Austen is way sicker than they are...
The doctor sees Austen, checks his vitals, etc. The prognosis? A VIRUS! Seriously, this is why I don't like to go to the doctor. He could have had a 106 degree temp, puking, passing out, and a horrible a rash over his whole body, and it would be a virus. I was so mad, I felt like saying, "Can you give me a sample of some medicine? I don't care if it's Tylenol or birth control-I just don't want to walk out of this office empty handed!"
Long story short, by that night, Austen's fever had broke and he was feeling better by the next morning! I know I should be grateful it wasn't something serious, but it just bugs me because I never know when I need to take him to the doctor! If I don't take him, it's something serious. If I do, it's never anything big.
Hopefully, this will be the last of the sickness until next year because I can't ahndle the strees of making that crucial decision!

Austen James Manahan

This should have been my first post since my huge lapse from the blogging world, but...
on November 11th, my son Austen comes up to me after Sunday School. he looks at me and says, "Oh, mom, I asked Jesus into my heart today." I looked at him, tears in my eyes and tell him how proud I am of him. He smiles and then it happened...I began asking question after question. I couldn't stop myself, the questions were flying out of my mouth with no chance of him actually being able to answer them all. "Who was speaking in Sunday School?" "What did they say that made you think you needed Jesus to come into your heart?" "Who did you talk to?" "What did you say when you talked to your Sunday School teacher?" On and on I went, until Austen says, "Mom, stop asking me so many questions! I just asked Jesus into me heart! That's it!" I was just excited about his special news that I wanted to find out all that I could...

So, we went our to celebrate Austen's salvation experience, and since then he has told his teachers, his grandparents, and friends. I can't tell you how exciting it is to know your child is saved and going to Heaven! He has been a changed little boy, too. He talks to Mark and I about making good choices, and wants to pray every night before bed. It's really neat to watch him grow!