I wasn't supossed to be here at CBA this year. I started this year away from God, angry and bitter about curcumstances God had placed in my life. I allowed myself to be critical of everyone and everything. I wanted to leave and go somewhere else, far away from God and Christian education. But God had something bigger planned for my life. He got a hold of my heart and changed me.
I began seeking to do God's will, and becasue of that, Satan began attacking me with all sorts of lies. I started having doubts, insecurities, and fears about my teaching. Was this where I needed to be, should I try something else, am I really what is best for CBA. . . ? I did not know why God kept me at CBA. I didn't know whether or not I was having an impact on these kids. I just didn't know what to do.
This past weekend was graduation, and God used my students to give me the answers to those questions that I so desperately needed to hear. Through their encouraging words and thankful hearts, I realized that I want to be no where else than CBA!
This has been one of the best years. It has been extremely difficult, Satan has attacked me more than ever before. But, I have learned more about myself and about my God than I have ever before in the past. God's timing has been perfect, though at times I didn't realize that until after the fact. God has sent various students in my life who have encouraged me and inspired me to want to be a better Christian. He has sent parents and faculty members who have made me laugh when I didn't feel like laughing, who helped me endure the day or week when they had no clue what was happening in my life. He has sent financial help our way before we even had time to pray for help or before we knew we were going to need financial help. I have been amazed by our God, and overwhelmed by His Sovereignty.
I still don't know why God keeps me here at CBA, or what kind of impact I am having on these kids, if I am having one at all, or if I am the best teacher on this planet. But I do know that God is giving me such a burden and a true love for the students of CBA. I do know that God is great and His ways are higher than my ways. And I do know for the first time that I have an absolute peace that I need to be at CBA, and I am already excited to see what God will do next school year.
3 comments:
Wow. Thanks for sharing. Woman, you are an awesome drama mama!
Amy,
I had no idea you were struggling with your role at CBA, etc. It was obvious from the graduation weekend that you really have had quite an impact on the students at CBA. I was touched by their show of appreciation and support for you. God bless you in the next SY!
MR
I am so glad that you have found peace about where God wants you to be. Threre is nothing like it! I was really praying that He would show you His plan. You have grown so much this year...we both have! I have enjoyed growing closer to Him with you!
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